Kimchi Tabs, Biotch!!!

OK, a LOT of questions have been asked about how to earn your Kimchi tabs. Nuthin' But Net has come through with an "official" set of rules (this is Kimchi - we're all usually too drunk to decide on whether or not someone earns a patch by the time we get to it in circle anyway!).

Here they are:

The Colorado Kimchi Hash House Harriers will be issuing specialty tabs to qualified hashers starting on August 6, 2005 at the 3rd Annual CKH3 Analversary. To qualify for the tabs, hashers must complete the given qualification assessments listed below.

Special Olympics Tab:

The Special Olympics Tab will be made available only to hashers who have completed a “Beer Mile” qualifying event. The first “Beer Mile” event will be held on August 6, 2005. To complete this qualifying event, one must run one mile around a standard ¼ mile track, stopping every ¼ mile lap to chug one 12 oz. vessel of their choice of beer. There will be no time limit for this event. Qualification will be awarded upon completion. “Beer Mile” events will be held every three months, depending on interest in qualification.

Retard Tab:

The Retard Tab will be made available only to hashers who have been voted into this elite group. “Retards” are an elite organization of hashers who have displayed exceptional taste in wear of granny panties to the Colorado Kimchi hash. Only when an exceptional pair of granny panties are worn to the hash, and voted as “Retard” worthy, may a hasher have the privilege of calling his/herself a “Retard.” Always remember: “Retards Lead The Way.”

(Restrictions include: Side strap of panties must be at least 1-½ inches in width. Rear area of panties must be covering most of the hashers’ bottom, in tradition with most granny panties. Thus, thongs have no place in a granny panty competition)

Tard Linguist Tab:

The Tard Linguist Tab will be made available only to hashers who have successfully completed the “Tard Linguist Qualifying Event.” The qualifying event will entail a hasher completing five tongue twisters, randomly chosen from a pile, while chugging one 12 oz. vessel in between each of the tongue twisters. Qualification will be awarded to the hasher who completes this event to the satisfaction of the pack, which will ultimately vote on the hasher’s “tard” articulation.